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Simple Techniques to Foster Deeper Intimacy in Couples

Hands reaching toward one another

Intimacy – it's the cornerstone of a strong relationship, but in daily life, it can sometimes feel like a flickering candle in need of a relight. Fear not, lovebirds! Below are some simple yet powerful techniques to reignite the intimacy in your relationship. Some are Tantric in nature and some are more simple ways of connecting that we simply forget about, but they all have one thing in common- they remind you to turn towards your partner as often as possible.

What does it mean to turn towards your partner? It means when they reach out to you, either in conversation or physically, you make an effort to reach back, to acknowledge, to hear, and to really see him/her in that moment. One of the most famous studies to come out of the Gotman Institute found, "At the six-year follow-up, couples that stayed married turned towards one another 86% of the time. Couples that divorced averaged only 33% of the time." It means intimacy in couples is essential!

So without further ado, let's explore some methods of turning towards your Beloved:

1. Put down the phone, pick up your partner:  Our constant connection to technology disrupts real connection. Dedicate time each day, even if it's just 10 minutes, to put away distractions and focus solely on each other. Chat, cuddle, or just enjoy comfortable silence – the key is being fully present. So, if you are on you're phone and you notice your partner making a bid for attention, take a breath and choose, even if just for a moment, to give your presence as an act of devotion.

2. The power of touch:  Physical touch is a primal language of love. Make an effort to incorporate non-sexual touch throughout the day – a hug goodbye, a hand on the shoulder, a back rub. These small gestures say volumes about your affection and connection. Check out some of my other posts for tips on touch.

3. Speak each other's love language:  Do you know what makes your partner feel truly loved and appreciated? The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman explores the concept of different ways people experience love. Understanding your partner's love language, be it words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, quality time, or physical touch, allows you to express love in a way that resonates most with them.

4. Embrace the power of gratitude:  Taking a moment to express appreciation for your partner can work wonders. Tell them what you admire about them, how much you appreciate something they did, or simply write a quick "thank you" note. Gratitude is a high frequency energy with the power to regulate the nervous system, strengthen your bond, and foster a positive atmosphere.

5. Unplug and explore together:  Break out of the routine! Plan a new activity, visit a museum you've been meaning to see, or take a hike in nature. The goal here is to reconnect with a sense of awe together. Shared experiences create new memories and spark conversations, fostering a sense of adventure and connection. Experiencing something bigger than yourselves, like a vast view or an inspiring concert can help to put the daily grind into a better, more clear perspective.

6. Make time for deep conversations:  It's easy to get stuck talking about the kids, work, and chores. Schedule regular "check-in" times to discuss deeper topics, dreams, fears, and aspirations. Active listening, without judgment, allows you to truly connect on a deeper level. These times and conversations are especially helpful in long term committed relationships to support a co-evolution as you and your partner grow, both as individuals and as a couple.

7. Celebrate each other's wins (big and small):  Be your partner's biggest cheerleader! Celebrate their achievements, no matter how small. Their success is your success, and showing genuine excitement strengthens your love and fosters a sense of shared joy. Don't get lost in comparison and competition!

8. Don't be afraid to seek professional help:  If you're struggling to connect with your partner, consider couples therapy and/or a tantra session. A therapist or trained practitioner can provide a safe space for open communication, teach valuable communication skills, and help you navigate any challenges you might be facing.

Remember, intimacy is a journey, not a destination. Ever Forward!


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